but you just cry

 
2017. "Where are you movin? I said, onto better things."  & it´s now May. Almost five months has passed already of this year. We are soon halfway through. I began this year with high hopes with my sight fixed on the sky. No where less than there I thought. Glory to Glory. Higher and Higher. I remembered the words "head in heaven but feet on the ground" that were written about me from my class when I was about to graduate. That was me. 
It´s been a good begining. In some ways I could feel like I´ve failed in areas. That I made decisions that I shouldn´t have made. That I wasn´t wise enough. But I don´t feel that way. Even though I knew deep inside the outcome of some things I chose to believe and hope for the best but it ended up the way I "predicted" & I ended up even more hurt. But I don´t regret it. I´ve learnt so much these past 5 months. I´ve let things take a bigger part of me and my life that I shouldn´t have. But I regret nothing. Because thanks to that I am where I am today. I´ve been writing a lot about my feelings. I´ve named them "everything I wanted to say but never did and never will" & when I read them now I don´t relate anymore. I can honestly say that I never thought that day would come. 
These 5 months had indeed been glory to glory. I´m even more in love with God and with my life than I´ve ever been before. 
 
I find it intresting to reflect on that in the beginning of the year I didn´t have any expectations on what this year would bring which is not like me but I´ve learnt that even though I can have expectations and ideas on how a year will be it always ends up being nothing like it. So I decided that this year I would expect nothing. But not in a sad, negative way, but more "what come may come" kind of way. & I think that is one of the reasons why I don´t regret anything either. I´m not dissapointed at myself because I wasn´t trying to be something and force myself into it and feel regret if I didn´t match up with the imaginary picture of the reality. Does it make sense? 
 
When I look back at these 5 months I´m filled with joy and love. It was a tumbling beginning but I am so happy anyway. I am happy because I was me. I let myself be me. 
 
Just two things that has happened during pt 1 of 2017 is that I moved out (finally) to my own apartment in my dream area of Stockholm & I´ve been the store manager of GUESS retail in Täby for over 2 months. And that´s just two things of what´s easy to mention. But the biggest things are within. Like always. 
 
May - May, you´ve been a messed up year. Thank you God for carrying me through it all. 
 
pt 2 of 2017; let´s bring it!
 
Dear Dairy | | Kommentera
Upp